Peace be Still

100% of the time God knows what He is going.

87% of the time I question or doubt Him.

100% of the time He is patient and takes care of my anyway.

Case 1:

I was struggling with the whole “figure out your life bit”. I for some reason thought I needed to start looking in October for what God wanted me to do in May. And I had a plan. I thought it was a good one. God and I were talking about it and He was moving my heart towards a full reliance on Him since once again it seems I have flirted with the lines of trying to control my own life.

And then there was a curve in the road. All of a sudden I had two things to pray about and think about. They were completely different. They required different sacrifices. They were different levels of challenge and uncomfortable. Originally I labeled one as easier than the other. I would like to retract that judgement now please.

I had a friend challenge me to not just pray that God would make it very clear where I needed to be but that doors would slam closed where I was not to go. So I prayed. I prayed I would get my face smashed as the door slammed. I prayed He would slam one or both of the doors. And then came the day when I would find out. As I waited for one door the other door kept taunting me with phone calls and e-mails but no answers or direction.

And then a door got slammed in my face. He was faithful. He had placed the second door in my path for a reason and He needed me to walk through the process and see that He is good and faithful.

So now I have a job. I start December 1st. I am excited and nervous about it all at the same time. In December I will begin at NorthPoint Church as the Student Ministries Coordinator, taking care of all of our communication and planning and backstage work so our two youth pastors can focus on teaching and equipping our students. Working in a church terrifies me. Working at NPC excites me though. I’m glad I get to be a part of place that works to fight global giants and love people wherever they are. I am blessed to know that I am in an environment where Jesus is the focus and truth matters. I will also work with humans. Which is way better than working with robots! you get what I mean.

As my mind races and I tell myself fear is homeless Jesus says

Be still.

Case 2:

Two of my sweet roommates and I went out to eat the other day (I have to eat now since my budget next year does not account for the size of my stomach) ha ha and we were on a side of town where homeless or travelers frequently fly signs. It is right by a highway and Walmart and McDonald’s. Whenever I see a person flying a sign I can’t help but think of JR from Nashville and all his adventures of flying a blank sign so he would not be arrested.

When we were done eating we needed to run to Walmart then go home since we all had huge to do lists and homework that could not be negated any longer.

Then came a curve in the road.

We had extra food so sweet Jessica suggested we go find someone with a sign. Thankfully I still have not cleaned out my car (sorry dad) so I had an extra fork (clean too) in my car. So we drove by the grandpa aged man and Jess gave him the food. His response with lighted eyes was “Well this sure beats a hamburger! Thanks”

Jesus and I had been wrestling lately with how I was struggling not being out there with the homeless. I knew He was using me with our neighbors and people at school and my youth girls but my heart just missed that special spot and conversations that come from homeless friends.

So when we gave the food to that man and saw his genuine appreciation it clicked. Jess and I had to do more. What was great is that there wasn’t really a discussion about it. We both knew we needed to do it and so all it took was “well should we….yes” and we were prancing about Walmart like kids making a Christmas list getting some “supplies ” for our new friend.

We had people waiting on us across town at our house, but we were busy

So we packed up his bag and went to take the stuff to our new friend. His name is Tom Norris and he wishes Chuck was his brother (that was his opening line)

It started to sprinkle and the weather had dropped a lot of degrees that day. It finally felt like winter. Tom’s fingers were cold when he shook our hands. He spit a lot as he bestowed wisdom upon us. But that happens when you are missing teeth. His smile was sincere. His wisdom simple and honest. His eyes caring. His stories funny. In the middle of our conversation he just started praying for us the sweetest prayer.

At the end of the conversation after he thanked us for the Chinese food and conversation we told him we had gotten him some stuff because it was getting cold and that Jesus had been teaching us to just love on people for Him. He just stopped for a minute and his eyes filled and his voice crackled as he wrapped us in a big hug and thanked us. Jess and I both looked at each other with a “o please don’t cry mister because we will lose it right here on the corner with all these cars driving by that are already looking at us like we are crazy”. It was a great conversation and Mr. Norris is one that I hope to see again, unless of course he finds a way out of his current spot in which case I could not be happier to never see him again.

I had a lot to do that day.

But Jesus had better plans.

Be still.

 

At camp we used to sing a song “listen the Lord as He speaks softly. Listen to the words of a perfect man. Listen to the voice of a God incarnate. Listen even when you don’t understand.”

 

Sometimes we just need to be still and know that He is God.

Sometimes we just need to be still and be quiet.

And always we need to constantly learn surrender so He can redirect our days.

 

 

Love

Shameless Plug…Wreck Your Life

I think we all desire to do “good”

We all want to “make a difference”

We want to “do what we know we need to do”

Then every once in awhile we actually do something about it.

….And it wrecks our lives.

Taking a summer to serve with Center for Student Missions was the best 3 months of my life. It was also one of the hardest, most challenging experiences ever! But I would not trade it for anything. Those 3 months shaped me.

It introduced me to these incredible people. They challenged me in big ways. They showed me what a life sold out looks like. We learned how to work as a team, in all our weaknesses and strengths. We learned what it meant to become a family. We learned how to impact lives together. We learned how to find truth. We learned how to hold each other accountable. We learned. And we were never alone.

We got to go on a journey together as a community. It was an incredible experience to see the church as it should be. We explored Scripture. We had fun together. We supported each other.

It was a hard road. There were groups that came in and had their perspective changed. There were people that we met that became names, faces, stories and impacts on our lives.

At the end of the summer we all went our separate ways with the attempt to continue on the track we had this summer. It’s a ride. The kind of ride that catches you off guard at the craziest times.

It is the kind of ride that makes you cry during class months later. It’s the kind of ride that makes you notice people that you looked past before. It’s the kind of ride that makes you fall more in love with Jesus. It’s the kind of ride you never want to get off of.

And it’s the kind of ride you should go on.

Consider serving with CSM this year. Apply now to be a summer host or sign up to take a group! www.csm.org

Choices

Choices.

We all make them. Sometimes we make the right ones. Sometimes we don’t. Sometimes it’s clear what’s right or wrong. Sometimes it’s blurry. Sometimes we don’t listen. Sometimes we have to be quiet to hear One voice apart from the peanut gallery.

Choices.

I am faced with them.

And I don’t know what to do.

I want to be a hermit for a week and find wisdom. I want to sit in the Prayer room all day waiting for guidance and truth.

But I can’t. I have to find the right choice and still function this week in school and work and supporting my youth kids and preparing for interviews and turning in projects and going to weddings. I want to take a time out but there is no such thing this time.

And to honest. I don’t know if there is a “right” answer to this choice. I think both could be right. I like them both and I hesitate about them both. I could do them both and do them well. I could fail miserably at them both. I could help people. I could leave people. I could learn. I could become stagnant. I could struggle. I could miss out. I could. I could. I could. I could.

I was reminded this weekend on multiple cases how much teenagers need positive, consistent adults in their lives. High school is way harder to “survive” then when I went. Home lives seem to be quickly disintegrating and youth carry with them a hurt that they don’t know how to release to Jesus.

Knowing this…complicates the choice. Both choices could “help” this. But from different angles. Both can lead me a greater goal. But from different angles. Both could challenge my skills set, and highlight some strengths. But both from different angles.

We all have choices. And while we make them for ourselves, the affects of our choices go way beyond our personal boundaries and lives. Sometimes all we can do is surrender….

Our Little Project

***I should be finishing a test right now but instead I am taking a “writing break” to write a blog…irony***

My sweet roommates and I live in our own little project. Our “townhouse complex” is built just like an urban project area. We have tons of little kids who play outside 12 hours a day. Everyone takes care of each other and the little kids don’t know a stranger. A lot of the residence here are on government subsidized housing and have much less than I did growing up.

I love living here! Two of the little guys, Brack and Brett, are twins and they have decided that they love us.

They also come to our front door and ring the bell or knock incessantly until we answer. Usually they just want to hang out for a little bit and “det sum of yer wader” or to see if we have any cookies.

So the other day the boys and i decided to make cookies. I should have been reading for my night class but this was far better than any article.

We made cookies and then they wanted to know if I could teach them school. So we played school for a little bit.

They are a regular little staple in our lives right now. Knowing the boys has allowed my roommates and I to get to talk to their mom and just encourage her. They also have an older sister who one of these days either Dana or I is taking to youth group…just have to keep asking until she says yes.

Honestly, this “project” has made living in this town so much more fun. It reminds me daily of the summer and how I have a little piece of it in my own backyard.

**We took roommate pictures the other day and the boys took them with us**

Brett is the dark headed one. He is smart and hilarious. He also likes to come check on me when he knows I’m doing homework “How’s your homework” “It’s good…you need something buddy?” “No just checking”

Brack is the blonde with lots of energy, ornery  and a terrible speech impediment. He wants to learn though and will repeat things to try to say them correctly.

Be praying for these boys. They move next month.

Oh you must be miserable…

“Oh, poor thing you must be miserable”

“Oh just wait hunny in God’s timing it will all work out”

“Well if you would just stop looking it will come”

“Just be patient and it will be better than you ever imagined”

“You just need to spend more time with Jesus and He will complete you”

“Get over it”

“You should meet my cousin/uncle’s brother’s nephew/pool boy/manny”

All of these are responses that my friends and I have heard lately concerning our singleness. Now let me start off by letting you know that the 4 friends that I have talked with lately about being single are not desperate, depressed or disgusting.

In fact, my single friends are quite the catch and someday they and their mates will be happily singing “Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me” by Salt ‘N’ Pepa and making me some babies to hold. However, until then they are happy to be rocking out some great time with Jesus and being content. This does not mean there is no struggle in being single. It does not mean that sometimes there is sadness or days that are harder than others. It just means there is not a desperation about being single or a sadness about not having a ring on the finger.

It’s crazy to me though that the above statements are true statements that come out of people’s mouth. O glory. Thank you for the words of encouragement. And I know that many of these statements came from people who genuinely cared and wanted to help. But maybe that’s the problem.

Maybe we don’t need to “fix” the single people. Maybe it’s ok and healthy and beneficial for them to be single. But when we make comments about not being patient enough or in tune with Jesus’ plan enough we assume they are not getting it, that they are missing something. All of the above statements have grains of truth in them and to some people really need to be said and would hold weight. But not all statements for single people are applicable to single people.

There are true benefits to being single and sometimes everyone else gets so busy telling people to “fix” their singleness that everyone misses the lessons and advantages of being single.

So, if you are single, rejoice in it! Get excited about why you are single and what you can make of it. If you’re married, relish it. Enjoy it! Love it! Work on it daily. Don’t worry about your single friends…most of them will turn out just fine.

And as an added bonus. Something all the singles and I have laughed about lately…

is the response you get if you say you are not sure you want to get married….

“But you have such great hair/eyes”

being hot is not a good reason to get married.

I’m just saying.

I Pump My Own Gas

Apparently Jenn and I needed a little laughter in our life today…so we went to get some gasoline for ole Rondee.

We pull up at Dillons and I get out and start the process of pumping my own gas.

“Hey Baby girl I get that”

“Baby girl I get that for ya”

Jody: “Uh I’m sorry are you talking to me”

Ghetto Fool: Leaning across the front seat of the car next to me “Hey baby girl what you doing. I said I’ld get that for you”

Me: “Well obviously you didn’t mean it since I have already done all the hard part”

GF: “What’s your name girl”

Me: “Jody”

GF: “Ah…where yo boi at girl?”

Me: “Um…I’m here pumping my own gas”

GF: “Ooooooo so can I get yo number”

Me: “You think I’m gonna give you my number after I pumped my own gas. I dont’ need you to have my number.”

GF: gets out of his car to come “help me”

Me: “Uh…the work is already done. You missed out.”

GF: “Well, you need some air in yo tires? Anything? …..So I cant’ get your number”

Me: “No you don’t have game…you have half a game and I’m just fine without it”

GF: “ok well I try again tomorrow Baby Girl..right here same time”

O GLORY

Kinda Quiet

Sorry it’s been a little quiet here lately. There is a lot going on in the head that I’m just not sure what to do with.

This last week I went and got my hairs cut and colored. In case you missed everything my hair has gone through this summer let’s review…..ponytail everyday, dreds, 80’s night, white trash bash. Needless to say, my hair was gross.

So, I went to get it cut one day then back two days later so she could make it look good. The lady who cuts my hair kinda reminds me of my Aunt Cre….a little crazy, lots of personality and they kinda talk the same.

Anyway, when I first met Cindy she was a little hard around the edges, loved to talk but was still trying to figure out what it meant to love Jesus.

When I got my hair cut right before Nashville she and I spent a long time talking about finding your passion/calling and serving there. She was really interested in what I was doing this summer and it was just kinda neat how that door opened.

So I went in to see her Saturday and she was so excited to see me and talk. She is now volunteering with the junior high at her church and spending time at the local youth homeless shelter every other week cutting hair. It was so encouraging to see how she had grown, to see her passion, and to share with her some stuff from this summer.

It is good to see God moving in people. Sometimes it’s easy to see things that are stagnant or on the wait list. But what is so great is that Jesus knows I needed to be encouraged that day. He knew I needed to see someone like Cindy growing in passion and obedience. I needed that encouragement and I needed that challenge. He knew I needed a lead on how to meet the homeless here and now I have one.

He knew that I needed a little pep before hearing something heavy going on in one of my girls’ lives right now. He knew I needed to see prayers being answered in loud audible measurable ways just so I knew to keep praying the silent unknown hidden prayers as well.

I hope you all have moments that encourage you to keep going. Obedience is not wasted, I am learning this over and over and over again!

O and I promise a kinda funny post soon…thanks for being patient with my slowness.

On Blogging…

Why do I blog?

I have been asked this question a couple times lately.

So why do I blog? Because I want to be authentic. Because I want to process. Because I think blogs can be venues that Jesus works through. Because I want you to have a raw look at what Jesus is doing. Heather is getting ready to do this with a Compassion trip and I am jealous! I loved blogging through Nashville and sharing that with you guys and can’t wait to have another fun/challenging/hit you in the face trip to blog about.

I don’t proofread my blogs. This might drive some of you crazy. But for me that is part of the process of blogging. I want you to have the raw feelings I had after Nashville without me going back and worrying about commas and word choice. I’m not perfect. Neither are my stories, or my blog.

I blog not because I want friends who pat me on the back and say o what a terrific post but because I believe that by blogging people can be encouraged, challenged, and pushed beyond themselves. If you’re my friend and I see you and talk to you I can do these things. If you are a stranger and read my blog I get to have the same opportunities that I would have if we were face to face friends.

I blog because it’s fun. I recently got to meet Brandi and it was fun to go back through our blogs and laugh at how our friendship unfolded.

I blog because part of me loves to write but I don’t know enough to write a book yet.

I blog because it keeps my sweet friends and family up to date all at once.

But the real truth is………………..

 

I blog because I don’t want to do my homework.

Beginning

It’s September which means it’s time to start searching for jobs or what I will do next.

Part of me likes this process because I am very excited about what God has been doing in my life lately and the plan He has for me.

Part of me hates this process because I don’t know exactly what the plan He has for me looks like. I know what He wants me to do…love on some people who don’t get that alot…but I don’t know how He wants me to do it yet.

The CSM staff is at training right now. I’m waiting patiently while praying to talk to my boss when she returns to get a feel for what will be open there this next year. There is always the option of the apprenticeship which she would be willing to open up for me, but I don’t know.

There is the option of applying for Teach for America along with everyone else and their mother. Which would be a strategic move for me, but one that I would enjoy.

There is the option of doing the classic google search for jobs like most college grads.

There is the option of  staying in Springfield and looking into some leads here.

You see, I have lots of options right now. I could go anywhere and do lots of different things.

I love my family and friends but I have not permanent ties to this place or state.

I have a degree that is flexible and to the surprise of my sweet Poppa can be used in a vast array of fields.

I have this heart for people that makes me get over everything that makes me want to stay comfortable…and it’s something I need to act on.

But I just don’t know what to do or where to start. Deadlines are approaching but I don’t want to rush and apply for things just in case. I want to be faithful to what He wants me to do come May. I need to be faithful to what He tells me to do. But I just don’t know what that looks like yet.

So I wait.

And I pray.

And I stare at applications.

And I dream of what things could look like.

And then I ask you to join me.