Search Engine Terms

Sometimes, when I get a little sad…..insert example….like when it’s April and my back freaks out because I’m wearing my heaviest winter coat during the snow but that still doesn’t shield it from the cold….I look at my blog stats.

Now, this is not because I have sweet stats. The same 5 of you read my blog and comment. And I’m ok with that. I mean, I had my chance to get famous in Boston and turned it down, so I’m okay not being famous.  I just like to look at the search engine terms people have typed that lead them here. Just to prove to you how unfamous I am, I can look at all the terms searched in the last year on one page without scrolling.

My favorite ones are still “halloween butts” and “dry spell sex”

I have never blogged about halloween butts, I don’t even know the difference between a halloween butt and an everyday butt. And sex, well it’s not quite the typical topic of a single, wannabe nondenominational nun.

However….it is a topic that at least two people want to read about on here. So, in an effort to share some love, I shall give the people what they want (no inuendo intended).

In all seriousness the posts they were probably led to were my accounts of Boys Town on Halloween weekend during my interview (for the job I still have not heard from).

But…onto the topic of Sex. Please prepare yourself for the most embarrassing post ever…at the expense of many people 🙂

There are a few things concerning sex I’m really good at talking about.

1.) lingerie.

You see, I threw a lingerie shower once for Rachael, the first of our hometown group to get married. She was uber embarrassed and we all loved it. I learned a lot about lingerie from planning her shower and from the married folk back home. My favorite..”If you burn the chicken, just serve dinner in an apron, he will never notice that you messed dinner up” Don’t worry she got several aprons that year.

I also learned how to match lingerie to personality. Hmm..perhaps that’s all I will say there.

A real apron and you know just some boy cuts with sexy recipes on them.

You see, now it’s Kayli’s turn to get married and she will get a whole bunch of stuff that looks like this.

I also learned that lingerie is a waste of money.

2.) Babies.

I’m really good at predicting when babies are coming. And if you above the age of 8 you know that babies do not actually come from the stork or Santa but from sex. In one of my classes we were talking about how kids learn about babies and the growing difficulty parents have since children learn at such as young age and it was hilarious the misconceptions of how babies are made.

I might actually not be that good at predicting babies but I do ask/start rumors that my sister is pregnant a lot. And one of these days I will be right.

3.)Napping

If you take naps you will not get pregnant. My sister taught me this. You see one day she was complaining of all these symptoms and like the good sister I am I asked if she was pregnant (because they were all pregnancy clues) her serious response was….”no I took a nap yesterday” Uh Ok. So kids just make sure you take a nap and no bay bay on the way way 🙂 We (as in my mom and I behind her back) still give her a hard time about that response

4.) Mood Music

I am one of those people who make up my own words to songs because I’m not quick enough to actually know what they are saying. But did you know that if you actually listen to the lyrics that a whole ton of them are about sex. WHAT!? or fore play. Like “I’m in love with a stripper” well…stripping goes back to point one of this post. and “cyclone” well they say it’s about some bump and grind dancing. and britney has a new song where she continues her naughtiness.

Now you may ask why any of this matters. It doesn’t. But when you get married you can be sure to get a sweet present from me including lingerie to match your personality, some info on the truth about baby making, a nap time cd, and a handpicked cd of magic music.