When Hearts Fade

We’ve hit the halfway mark. A year ago my brother left and in a year he will be home.

It’s been a crazy year. A lot of great things have happened. I think I embrace their joy more fully because I feel it deeper. Each time I go to text him or tell him something great that has happened there is a pang of sadness that we can’t share with him like we used to. But it also makes you experience things deeper. I feel more of the emotion and power behind events.

I’m so thankful for the people who have surrounded me this past year. Especially through Christmases – they tend to be the hardest.

I think it’s because Christmas is such a big thing for our family. The memories of decorating the tree to Alvin and the Chipmunks, to pretending to drip wax on each other at the Candlelight Christmas Eve service, to sibling presents that night, to opening presents Christmas morning your pajams (and not until Ross came to gather you all in to the room). Most of our Christmas traditions were Ross’s.

But I seriously could not be more thankful that when my heart fades and I just flat out miss my brother – when tears are far too close to falling, when talks are painful to write, when promises and faithfulness seem empty  —  they are right there surrounding me.

They have kept me laughing. They have kept me busy. They have helped me stay focused on fulfilling the purpose I have where I am. They have listened to me whine. They have let me cry. They have bought Dr. Pepper and ice cream. They have shared memories, checked on my when hard days loom and been thoughtful.

I. Am. So. Blessed.

Thank you for being there for me when my heart fades and being a constant reminder of God’s nearness.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
When Hearts Fade

3 thoughts on “When Hearts Fade

  1. deb says:

    It has been a year. I’m not buying that it will be another year. It will be one day at a time and I’ll pray God encounters him on the road to wherever every morning I wake up. He set the tone and established many traditions which were usually pretty wonderful. However, his absence isn’t going to take away from the joy of this Christmas season nor the outpouring of love over the birth of his nephew. That last sentence is simple bravado in an attempt to not fall apart on the floor in a puddle of tears. I must look at faces of my other loved ones and count it as joy to have them close enough to hug and love! Praising the One who will sustain us, day by day, as we pray for and miss the prodigal. Praising the One who will get all the glory for the Damascus experience.

    i love you, dear daughter. With all my heart! Mom

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