Have you ever been in the driver’s seat? Of you know…that vehicle called the struggle bus?
It stops at every yellow light. Makes full 3 second stops at signs. Chooses the longest detours. Drives the roundabouts 13 times too many. Seems to…well just struggle.
I drove that bus today. For. Seven. SEVEN. Solid. Hours.
My struggle bus usually shows up in full force 1x every 1.5-2 months while trying to prep a talk for Wednesday night. This time it snuck up on me. I wasn’t terrified to write this talk, I like our series, missed our kids last week and was ready to see how God would use this week’s Scripture to put a hook in our HS students’ hearts and life.
And then I got on the struggle bus and straight up STRUGGLED, wrestled, cried, worried, paced over this talk. The problem with the struggle bus is I’m never quite sure how I got on or how to get off. Thankfully I have a great team surrounding me that helps during struggle bus moments to hone in on the core of the topic and keep my focused.
For me my struggle bus is all about insecurity and a lack of confidence. It starts with my inability to write a talk, which leads to all sorts of insecurities in my Biblical knowledge which somehow will bring to surface all sorts of worries and shortcomings I have in other areas. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s how it works in my world. Maybe for you it’s another kind of struggle that surfaces. Anyway and either way hopefully you understand what I’m saying.
At the end of the day, it’s ok. It’s ok for things to go unfinished, for hearts to feel raw and egos to be ripped. It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.
Because tomorrow at 7pm there will be a talk and it will help students grow in their relationship with God. Because He is bigger than I am. He is bigger than my struggle bus and emotions. He’s bigger than all that can go wrong and He is going before me.
So…I have to tuck and roll off that bus and sit on the side of the road. Because I know He will pick me up. I know it. I have to. Or I will ride that bus for days.